Spooooky!!!

As it is Halloween I thought this was the ideal time to tell you about some of the spooky events that have occurred recently!! First of all I have to say that, as a family, we all believe in ghosts and spirits, with Adrian being especially sensitive. If you don't believe, that is fair enough and you will probably have good explanations for the following. We have always had odd things happen, too many to mention, but these have all occurred since Pete had his stroke. He had the stroke on 13th July and that night, the first night here on my own, I was awake in the night, drinking a cup of tea and minding my own business when the tv in the bedroom suddenly came on! I nearly fell out of bed!! But, oddly enough, didn't feel scared which I would have been if Pete had been there. Weird!! Another day I had gone out to work and all was quiet when I left but when I came back I heard voices and found the tv on in the sitting room - now there is no way I had left it on as I would have heard it. A couple of weeks ago the tv in the sitting room decided to go on the blink one evening, no colour just lines rolling up and down. Pete and Martin spent ages pulling out wires, reconnecting, etc but to no avail, so it was decided we would have to 'get a man in tomorrow' to sort it. Turned it on next morning to check what it was doing and it worked perfectly - what was that all about??? Nor have we had any problems since! Finally, when Adrian and Amie were here we had two birds get in the house within about 5 minutes - a finch in one bedroom and a bluetit in our bedroom! They could only have got in through the window which was open about 2" at the top. We have never had birds in before in the last 11 years! We all thought this very odd, two different birds in two different rooms in minutes. (one of the photos today is of the bluetit quite happily sitting on our bed!) Now, looking back, we all wonder whether it was a sign that Adrian and Amie had intruders (they were burgled whilst staying here) - intruders here, intruders there, geddit??!! All very creepy and make of it what you will.
We have had a GOOD day today, no cross words and Pete quite smiley- sigh of relief! I did the online shop and, yes, I did buy frozen fish!! Didn't mention it to Pete though! Coward or what!!
We are both thoroughly enjoying Autumnwatch on tv and also Michael Palin in Brazil.
We had a visit from Robbie and Ella in their Halloween outfits,we both pretended to be mighty scared of course!
I realise I do tend to go on a bit, but just stop reading if you get bored! It's the end of a nice day - November tomorrow, where has this year gone?

Pushing Rocks with Feathers

Today has been a real pushing rocks with feathers day due to this damn aphasia making its presence well and truly felt. We have had several episodes of Pete wanting to say something and me just not getting it, despite trying my best. On days like this I feel totally down and such a failure. The first episode was over, of all things, frozen fish!!! I have to do a tesco online shop which sends me into a panic just thinking about it, and Pete was looking down my list which included the frozen fish, he then went into total rage (why?) and after a couple of trips to the freezer I still couldn't get whether he wants me to buy or not to buy and what sort to get, if any. He took the box we had out of the drawer it was in and threw it into another one. He was getting more and more angry the more I tried to establish what he was saying (his rages seem to be getting more intense and he literally shakes with anger and thumps his stick on the floor), luckily Martin and family arrived and he calmed down and gave them no indication of what had been going on. I have not returned to the subject as,to be honest, I'm a bit scared to mention it again - and nor is the shop done!! Later on he went to the bureau and started looking at papers on there so asked was he looking for something - yes, some sort of paperwork? Yes. But after suggesting loads of subjects and looking through drawers just couldn't find what he wanted - honestly I suggested everything but none was right, had to give up and luckily this didn't anger him, then cooking tea he suddenly stomped off in a temper so carried on on my own and still don't know what I did wrong. There have been a couple of other things as well that we had to give up on. Although he can now draw some things if you ask him to, he still can't initiate a drawing on his own so this hasn't really helped. So, all in all, today has been another rubbish day (apart from the fact that the car passed the MOT - yay) which I will be glad to see the back off.
We had a spell of good smiley days but now seem to be in a spell of miserable days. I think his arm and hand are very painful at the moment which doesn't help him at all, so roll on Saturday and the Botox injection.
Well, I feel a little better after that rant!!
It certainly helps me to get it out of my system and get ready to face another day - hopefully we will move onto a better few days.

Hand and Foot

Today we have started being under the care of the community physiotherapists and they will keep coming for as long as necessary - no time limit, so we feel very encouraged by that. I think they will be coming only twice or three times a week instead of every day but that is ok as we can do quite a lot of exercises on our own - not manipulating muscles etc. obviously but just stretching and getting the weight onto his right leg. Today Suzanne and Susie (I know! They are all called the same!) came and did a lot of work on his right foot. Suzanne took a lot of time just getting to know Pete and what he can and can't do and what he hopes to be able to do in the future - long term goals. Anyway, she worked his right foot to keep the heel flat on the floor and trying to get his foot to do a walking movement rather than being very stiff and straight. By the end she had got his foot very relaxed and he was wiggling his toes on his own! She hopes that eventually he may not need his stick, or at least an ordinary stick rather than the four prong one, but that is all in the future. She also worked his right hand (still absolutely non-active) and advised he puts it in warm water and also tries different textures to try and wake it up and remind his brain it is still there! Then put some hand cream on and massage it. We have done this tonight for the first time using flannels, towels, nail brush and comb just for different feelings. Hopefully, if we do this regularly things may improve. Pete has an appointment to have a Botox injection into his wrist next Saturday. This will relax the muscle and allow more movement as at the moment it is very stiff and usually very sore. This means I have five days to perfect the manoeuvre whereby I study what they are doing very closely and, unfortunately, just before the needle goes in I stumble and it hits my face!!!!
The kitchen workstation arrived today and Pete assembled it, not used it yet but it looks ideal. One of his goals is to be able to prepare and cook a meal with minimal help if any help at all.
To go back to the episodes of anger that Pete experiences, this apparently is quite a common thing among stroke survivors - I don't know why, but I suppose it could just be the 'why me?' phenomenon and anger that a fully independent person now has to rely on someone else for a lot of stuff. This is particularly ironic for Pete as, only last year, my mum lived with us and he was her carer, now we have turned a full circle and he is the one needing a carer, very hard for him.
Tomorrow our car goes in for it's MOT, got to get up early as Martin will be here at 9.00 am to take it in (I can't drive which is a big disadvantage and I need to psych myself up to remedy this situation) so hope it passes ok. Martin uses our car to take Pete anywhere as it is easy for him to get in and out of. Martin has been such a fantastic help to us and never moans, although he must get fed up sometimes! So thanks Martin.

Mellow

I woke this morning feeling slightly sick and full of trepidation - was Pete still going to be full of rage like yesterday? Fortunately, the anger seemed to have worked itself out! No sign of it at all today - it has been a very mellow day doing nothing very much. Also, he has been making an effort to do some of the daily jobs he used to do. He started by unlocking the front door, doesn't sound like much but he always did it (and locked up at night) and this morning he went off and did it for me. Then he helped make the bed and tidy a bit. For lunch we had a casserole and he got the meat and all the veg for it. I peeled and chopped and he arranged in dish! He also opened a tin of soup on his own using our new one touch can opener - ideal! (incidentally, we also bought the one touch jar opener, this is absolutely no use at all and is going back to the shop tomorrow - he manages better on his own). The casserole was absolutely delicious after he indicated all the things that go in to make the gravy - not just the bisto you know, oh no! A bit of this and a bit of that!
This afternoon we have watched a couple of films on the tv just relaxing. No exercises or anything today.
I did all the clocks last night and was woken up at 2.55 am by a beeping noise, got up to investigate and, in the dark, managed to crash into the wheelchair - I totally forgot it was there!! So today I am sporting a rather nice bruise on my leg - sympathy please!! The noise was on a bedside clock in the spare bedroom which I had managed to change and set the alarm on! Pete slept through it, so no sympathy there then!! We always wake up at least once during the night and have a cup of tea, this is a habit that needs breaking!!!
The photo today is just one of us that Adrian took just before they left to go home last Monday - I just like it!

Count to ten .....

Today Pete seems to have been very angry and very bad tempered all day. I don't know why, doesn't seem to be any special reason, perhaps he's just having one of those days we all get at times! But I have ended up feeling quite tense and almost afraid to ask him anything as it just seems to provoke him. A couple of times he has been walking around and then got angry about something and almost fallen as has tried to walk away too fast - had me very worried. Anyway, I think I will just write it off as a rubbish day.
Now yesterday was a very different matter. My sister, Wendy, came for the day and we had a lovely day. She came armed with my iPad beanbag and another one for Pete to use as an arm support. These are absolutely brilliant and she makes them herself, that is what the photo is of today. Louise and Suzie came for physio and we had a lesson on how he should get up if he falls - he has to try to get onto his knees and then, with a chair or something in front of him, pull himself up using his good arm. He managed this well and it was the way he had got up in the bathroom a couple of nights ago. So it is now not such a worry should he go down but my heart was in my mouth a couple of times today as I thought he was going over!!
Pete thoroughly enjoyed seeing Wendy but by the end of the day he was really tired. He tires fairly easily even if he hasn't done much physically, just concentrating on what is going on can be exhausting for him, but, as I said, he really enjoyed yesterday. She said she was amazed at how well he is doing, even though she keeps up to date with his progress, just seeing it for herself was awesome!! This makes me feel better as when you are with him all the time you don't really notice so much.
Well, I think it is time for today to end, none too soon!! Have to change the clocks first though!!

Physiotherapy

Tonight I decided that the subject would be the physiotherapy Pete has every day with Louise and Suzie. (incidentally, don't take any notice of the times of these posts as I think they are American times - I always do this any time between 8.00pm and 10.00pm). Next week we transfer to the community team whereas up to now we have been under the care of the Early Discharge Support Team (I say we, but it is obviously Pete) so we have to say goodbye to Louise and Rachel. We will miss them - luckily Suzie is going to overlap for a while so will still see her. These ladies have done so much for Pete, we can never thank them enough.
Right, the photos are of Louise and Suzie doing their stuff, they are both Physiotherapists. The pictures show Louise stretching Pete's arm to loosen all the muscles as much as possible, then Suzie holds his knees down whilst he lifts his bum off the bed, this works and controls the muscles in his hips. He used to do this too fast but now controls the movement and goes much slower which is good. Suzie then takes his left leg onto her arm to stop it trying to help the right leg. Onwards now into the kitchen where Louise holds the balloon and moves it around, Pete has to stretch to reach it which helps shift the weight onto his right leg, Suzie is down on her knees keeping an eye on how the muscles are working! Finally Pete and Louise were playing!!! No, actually by batting the balloon to each other Pete was improving his balance as had to keep shifting position. All good stuff. They finished with a walk around the garden. Tomorrow they are going to show us how he can get up if he falls, so just for a dress rehearsal tonight he decided to fall in the bathroom!!! Not badly thank goodness and he grabbed the sink and managed to haul himself up - sod's law though that he had to do it tonight!!
Also tomorrow my sister Wendy is coming for the day - wonder what she will think of his progress?

First Brick out of the Wall

Alright, so it is not the most artistic picture in the world, but to me this drawing of a washing machine is worth more than any Picasso!! This morning in his session with Bev (speech therapist) they were doing drawing and copying and then Bev asked Pete if he could draw a knife and fork - and he did!! She hadn't drawn them for him to copy so my flabber was well and truly gasted!! Then he was asked to draw a washing machine and this was the result, all knobs and switches included. This is a major breakthrough as the aphasia has prevented this happening until today. I feel on top of the world and Pete is fairly pleased with himself too! This afternoon I asked him to draw a few random objects (candle, walking stick, banana and apple) and he succeeded with each one. This is so going to help our communication - I know he can't just draw anything and a couple of things he couldn't do, but it is a fantastic start. It is definitely the first brick out of that wall that has been blocking channels in his brain. Hopefully they will continue to fall, even if it is only slowly.
This afternoon we took Pete for his flu jab which he was NOT pleased about but, on the other hand, could not tell me any reason why he shouldn't have it! (there are some advantages to his not being able to speak and argue!!!)There do not appear to be any after effects although if I ask him if his arm hurts, he assures me it does then bursts out laughing!
There hasn't been any physio today as I had to cancel the session as it was going to clash with the flu jab, but no worries, he is okay.
I can't believe Pete has been home for 6 weeks now, the days just whizz by. Still on a roll - hope it keeps up.

Gadgets and Gizmos!!

Firstly, I think I have omitted to say where we live! We live in a beautiful part of the country - Barnstaple, N.Devon. There is easy access to both the moors and beaches, which is really good.
Today we have taken some positive steps to improve our daily lives, but unfortunately, these have all acted to emphasise to Pete how his life has changed and what he can no longer do. This has made him a bit depressed but not too badly and he understands these will all help us. Firstly, he has been awarded the Disability Living Allowance (this is a relief as I am on 6 months unpaid leave from my job as a housekeeper at the local hospital) and from this award we have now applied for the Blue Badge to let us park in disabled spaces if he is with us. Also I have requested the pack to claim for Carers Allowance which they seem to think I can get without too many problems.
This afternoon we had a visit from Diana who is the Occupational Therapist. She came with a trolley load of equipment for us to look at as Pete wants to do more in the kitchen (the trolley was nearly as big as her as she is quite a little lady!!!). Pete was always the cook at home and did all the planning, preparing and cooking of meals so he really feels not being able to help. We have decided to get a one touch tin opener which is designed to be used with only one hand, similarly a jar opener will be useful. The main piece of equipment which will really revolutionise Pete's life is a Kitchen Workstation which will hold bread still whilst he butters and cuts it, it has spikes to hold veg for cutting, peeling, chopping,etc, has a grater and slicer and also a clamp for holding veg or bowls or whatever. This is specifically designed for people who only have the use of one hand - which is him at the moment I'm afraid!! Actually when we looked at what is available we realised how lucky he is in that the things we decided he needs don't amount to many - it is basically just things to stop everything moving around.
As I said, these all emphasise to him what he can't do and upset him for a while but he is fine about it now.
Plenty of walking around again today and he is feeling very pleased with himself about this and even keeps lifting his right leg and waving it about to show me how much better it is!!!
Good day again, I feel we are on a roll at the moment! Hope it lasts but I know to expect down days and we will deal with them as and when.

Wonderful weekend

We have all had a good weekend. The only down side has been that Pete's right arm and hand seem to be quite painful at the moment. This means we have not been doing the exercises that we should and that worries me. He is due to have a Botox injection into his wrist in two weeks, so hopefully this will release the muscles a bit and we can get back to exercising. The physios stretch them every day and he lets them do more than me so all is not lost! On the up side, he has been doing a lot of walking and over the last two days has only used his wheelchair to go to bed (he needs to sit in it to get washed and undressed then to get into bed) and when he first gets up for the same reasons. This is so good - it is very slow walking but at least he is doing more. The physios today said just the last two days have really strengthened the muscles in his leg and they are firing a lot better than even last Friday. We have not had any major communication problems over the weekend, just minor ones that he seems quite happy to abandon.
So, now to introduce you to our family. Our elder son is Martin and he has been married to Mel for 10 years, they have 3 gorgeous children - Josh, aged 12, Robbie, aged 9 and Ella, aged 6. They live near us and have been wonderful. Our younger son is Adrian and he lives in Bristol with his partner Amie. They have been together nearly 4 years. At this point I have to say that both our sons have got amazing partners - they are both lovely ladies. Adrian and Amie came down to stay on Saturday and we all had a lovely time on Sunday - the family all together and Mel cooked a superb roast for us all. I think Pete was grateful for a decent meal!!! The horrible thing is that Adrian and Amie went home today only to find they had been burgled. This has put us in a very sad mood and Pete is very upset, especially because he can't talk to Adrian himself.
The photos were taken on Sunday and, in order, they show the following: 1)Martin and Mel, 2)Josh, Robbie and Ella 3) Adrian and Amie 4)Martin, Mel, Adrian and Amie with Ella squeezed in! 5)Martin,Mel,Adrian,Amie,Robbie and Ella. We are so proud of them all. I think now I have got the order wrong - Martin is the one with the black and orange t-shirt and Adrian is the one with the owl t-shirt! Hope you can figure it out!!!

Sunshine!!

Well, two days with NO rain! Sun has been shining inside and out. Seeing the sun makes us feel better straight away. We have been outside again with no problems at the door. Pete made his own sandwich for lunch, slight lapse in that he used his fingers to butter the bread, but I'm thinking this may have been deliberate as he managed better than using a knife!! I only held the bread whilst he cut it.
We have had a few problems today with communication but gave up before we got too stressed.
Pete is now using his stick when I'm not next to him - good or bad? Not sure but good I think as he is quite confident with it. He can connect the ankle brace himself now which lifts his foot so it doesn't drag. Talk about being over confident, he has just got up and misjudged a gap and toppled! Luckily the wheelchair was close and he landed in it! Phew!! Is my heart going!!! But he has now recovered and is off to the bathroom. This is good as when he uses the wheelchair he can't shut the door but when he uses the stick he can. He has just mastered this manoeuvre today, doesn't matter when just the two of us but can be difficult if anyone is here.
Well, we are awaiting (he has just arrived back safely thank goodness) the arrival of Adrian and Amie in about an hour or two. Hopefully, I will get some photos tomorrow and can introduce you to the whole of my fabulous family. They have all been my prop and such a support to us both.

Aphasia and Dyspraxia

Well, firstly - we have got the front door sussed!! Yay!! Got in and out this morning really well. We have had the best day with lots of smiles and laughs. Physio this morning and then a visit from Pete's brother, Gary. We both had a snooze this afternoon!
I decided to talk about how the aphasia and dyspraxia affects Pete. The dyspraxia is not such a problem as it is small mistakes with tasks and we soon remedy these. I mentioned about not quite getting the right utensils but he only needs to be reminded once or twice. When first making cups of tea he used to try to get the sugar out with his hands and also tried to get butter with fingers, also would pour from the side of a jug rather than the spout. But these are all now in the past. The odd thing is, when he first came home and he saw me trying to bleed the radiators (always his job) he immediately went off and got the right screwdriver and sponge from where he always kept them, also when the DVD player went wrong he immediately knew it was the scart come out. Doesn't make sense does it. It almost seems the more technical things are the better he knows.
The aphasia is our major problem. Pete has lost all the tools of communication - speech, writing, drawing and gesturing. Again this is an odd situation in that if I was to write a list of fruits and then ask him which said 'apple', he could point to it straight away. If I then drew an apple he would make a very good attempt to copy it, but then turn the page and ask him to write 'apple' or draw one and he really really thinks about it but doesn't know where to start. So, although there are excellent apps for the iPad which will talk for you, these do not work for us. Similarly, the gesturing is difficult for him. Sometimes he will point to what he wants without thinking, but other times he just can't seem to get the concept of pointing. Also he can say yes and no, but occasionally a yes is accompanied by a shake of the head or vice versa, so have to repeat the question. He can do the thumbs up and down but has to be prompted to use them. Still, we struggle on regardless!! But, when he wants to just say something out of his head, we can go round and round trying to get what he is saying, sometimes with no success so have to give up. This must be incredibly frustrating for him. Try this for yourself with a partner/friend/relative - one of you has no communication but thinks of something they want to say, the other one has to try to establish what it is by a series of questions. Again, not easy.
Well, enough of our problems for today, we are ending the day on a real high as have just got emails from Adrian and my sister, Wendy. Adrian is hoping to come home from Bristol with his partner, Amie for a visit and also Wendy is coming for a day next week. . Team this with the fact that we are going to Martin's on Sunday for lunch (cooked by his lovely wife, Mel) and , tonight, we feel life couldn't be better for us!

Supermarket Here We Come!!

Well, after 2 down days Pete is now much happier again. No post yesterday as time just flew by in the evening. Pete woke up back to his usual self yesterday, I went shopping in the morning and got back to find cup of tea ready (he watches for me coming home and gets the kettle on) and plenty of smiles. Physio in the afternoon with Suzie and plenty of leg stretching exercises on the bed to get the muscles firing and strengthening. Pete always enjoys his physio (could it be the attention of these young ladies!!!)
Then, after tea we had arranged to visit Lidls supermarket with Martin. Pete was so looking forward to this. We had to wait for Ella who had been at her friends for tea, but eventually off we went. A few cross expressions getting out of the front door as it seems I don't put his stick in the right place!! On arrival at the shop we took the liberty of parking in the disabled spaces even though we haven't got a certificate yet but, what the hell, I was ready for any comments - as is always the case, when you are ready to argue no-one challenges you. Pete had a great time picking stuff for the trolley and I managed to steer alright. Then back home where he helped put it away. I'm sure he felt very satisfied with himself. A few exciting minutes when Martin spotted a fox in the drive but it had gone by the time the rest of us got there. Finally went to bed totally shattered, but one more good thing - we won £5 on the lottery!! Pete always checks our numbers.
Today has been equally as good with speech therapy this morning and physio this afternoon, they took him in and out the front door so I think I have it sussed now! At the moment he is watching You've Been Framed and almost on the floor laughing. One sad thing is that we used to be fans of crime programmes (CSI etc.) but Pete finds these hard to follow now and can't understand the plots, he still gets Eastenders and documentaries but anything needing a lot of concentration is still hard for him. It's like his reading, he can read and understand one sentence but, get onto paragraphs and he can't process it all. He is ok if I read things out to him slowly but just can't do it on his own. We have had plenty of time on the iPad today playing simple games which helps concentration.
The photo is of Pete, Robbie and Ella (yes, she has a lions face!!) after our big shop.

Down, Up and Down again

This morning Pete again indicated he felt sad. I mentioned this to Rachel (his amazing Speech Therapist) and so she decided to get to the bottom of it. By going round all the options she established his mobility is a problem. Specifically, he wants to go shopping in Lidyl (spelling? Not sure, but it is the supermarket we always went to) and also wants to be more involved in cooking meals. This is understandable as I am definitely NOT a good cook!! The supermarket visit is now arranged for tomorrow but the cooking is more of a problem but will see what we can do. Obviously I have not been buying the right groceries!!!
So now we feel more upbeat and then we were having grab rails fitted and then a phone call to say the wheelchair man was coming to change the wheels on his chair to self propelling so that he could use his good arm to help get around (he has been using his left foot to drag himself along). Things were looking good. These men duly arrived and did what they had to do. After the rails were fitted we ventured out but it did not go well for some reason and he got cross, then we tried the wheelchair and that didn't go well either! It is slightly wider now and he has to learn how to manoeuvre it again and he didn't want to turn the wheel. I must admit that I got annoyed and resentful as it seemed to me that all these people were trying to make his life easier and he wasn't playing his part. I know this is wrong of me but sometimes you just can't help yourself and I get overwhelmed by the whole situation. There was an atmosphere you could cut with a knife for a while but as I am writing this he seems to be trying using the self propelling wheel. I am hopeful things will work out but feel so guilty and selfish - for God's sake it is so much worse for him. I hope people will try to understand and forgive me!
To go back to the t-shirt challenge, you have to get it off the left hand and arm first, then over your head and then slide it down your right arm. Remember, the right arm is TOTALLY non-active so not even a twitch to help!
I think I have probably said enough for today - this blog is my therapy and I can tend to go on a bit.
Therefore, that is all for tonight.

Grumpy!

First of all, the awful photo is me!!! Thought you may like to see the face behind all this - sorry about that!
Today has been a bit of a downer with Pete distinctly out of sorts and depressed. This morning he indicated (by looking at pictures) that he felt sad. After further questions I think he is upset about his loss of independence. I couldn't get any further than that as he was getting a bit angry - this is one way in which he as changed. He was always very easy going but now can get very angry very quickly and I have learnt that I have to quietly ask him to calm down and that we will drop the subject, this seems to work. But today nothing would bring a smile so, very selfishly, I decided to go to town to get him some new t-shirts in a bigger size. He needs bigger ones to enable him to get them on and off himself - try it yourself, try to get a t-shirt on and then off only using your left hand and arm, not easy!! But he can do it providing there is plenty of room to manoeuvre. Funnily enough whilst in the shop a jumper in just my size also fell into the basket - nothing like retail therapy!
He cheered up when Bev, speech therapist, came with Glen who is trying to make a case for the use of iPads in stroke recovery. In our opinion, the iPad has been invaluable and hopefully we have helped their cause.
Louise and Suzie, physios, came soon after and had a good session. Took Pete outside and up some garden steps. There were a few dodgy moments as the steps were slippery but at least he did it. Tomorrow a man is coming to fix grab rails outside the front door, so another good move.
After tea Pete had a really good snooze, not even really surfacing when Martin, Robbie and Ella arrived, but did him good I think. He is still very quiet tonight but, hey, he's allowed!
Kids are great aren't they, just accepting the situation. When Ella went she said to me 'tell Grandad I love him', so knowing and she is only 6.
And here ends today's tale.

Freedom!!

A spectacular day today. Started with a nice lie in again, didn't get up til 9.30, lazy or what! After breakfast we did lots of walking around the house, followed by some exercises on the bed to control and strengthen his right leg, and then step and squat and stretch exercises in the kitchen! Oh yes, also arm exercises at the beginning. When it got to lunch time Pete was out in the kitchen so went to see what he was up to and he had got everything out of the fridge for ham salad for lunch (no roast today as I haven't mastered the art of forward thinking, so no joint!!!). With a couple of blips i.e. he tried to use the egg slicer to grate cheese and then the cheese grater to cut tomatoes, he more or less got it all organised. I, obviously did potatoes. The mistakes with utensils are due to the aphasia/dyspraxia, the other week he wanted to sharpen a knife with the plastic measuring spoon set.
This afternoon, as the sun was shining, we decided to venture outside now that we have the half-step. This went quite easily although we haven't got the grab rails yet, he just held the door frame. Then a walk into the garden where he sat on the perch stool directing me sweeping up leaves!!!! After half an hour we went back in and again negotiated the step very well. He was so pleased to be out in the garden and 2 of our neighbours stopped for a chat, he had such a smile on his face. A tip the therapists gave us to remember which leg first is - going up steps we are going to Heaven which is good so good leg first, when going down steps we are going down to Hell which is bad so bad leg first! Brilliant.
Well, another day done and we have had a lovely weekend, (except for the dentist!).

Today has been good. We got up a bit later than usual as no therapy at weekends, nice to have a lie in. We did a lot of walking with the stick, then moved on to exercises to strengthen right leg also the regulation arm exercises! Pete can walk unaided with the stick but is not allowed to do it on his own yet, I have to be here walking with him, hovering ready to gently nudge him upright again should he show signs of toppling over!!
We had another visit to the dentist for a check up (he also had another tooth out) and when I was pushing the wheelchair I suddenly wondered what Pete was thinking. How does he feel about not being able to get anywhere without a wheelchair? How does he feel when he sees people walking past us or children running? What do people think when they see us? Do people care? Will he ever be able to drive again? So many thoughts and feelings must be whirling around in his head and I can't remedy any of them as he can't tell me his thoughts. I desperately wish at times that we could turn the clock back, but of course we can't. We have to try to think of all the positives (and actually there are many) and move on as best we can. My big positive thought is that at least he is still here with me, he still retains the same level of intelligence and is still the same person - my soulmate. He's a bit battered and bruised, but actually it's not the end of the world. There are many people worse off than us and we are grateful for what we have.

No post yesterday, suffice to say it was not good and the place was awash with tears from both of us during the evening. However, onwards we must go and today has been very different. We had an excellent physio session with the lovely Louise today and Pete felt he had done well,which he had. We were also introduced to the Physio who will take over in a couple of weeks. She is equally as nice as all our regulars - understands Pete's situation and talks to him all the time explaining what they are doing and why.
The photos I have posted were taken today, one of him making a cup of tea, one of him posing (!!!) with a slight list to the left and one of his poor blisters, which are actually healing well.
The half step was delivered today and marks made where to put grab rails by the door and the prescription put in.
So, all in all, good times.

And for today's trick - Pete decided to put his good hand on the hot-plate of the cooker before it had cooled!!! He is now sporting large blisters on each finger tip and one on the side of his hand.  Not good.  But despite this it has been a reasonable day although the physio session did not go too well.  It was a new therapist and didn't really seem to have a full comprehension of his situation. Still, she was very nice and hopefully the next session tomorrow will go better.  I never got to the bottom of last night but he was ok this morning, I went shopping and when I came back he had emptied the washing machine and put it all in the drier - all I had to do was fold and put away!  Ideal!  We have done a fair bit of walking with his stick today and all went well.
Yes, a good day again.

Today went well until about 5.30pm when it all went downhill.  Pete suddenly seemed to get very angry about something and couldn't establish what was wrong.  Then he has spent the rest of the evening mostly with head in hands, muttering (in his own way) and moaning - and still don't know what it is about. He says he is not in pain or feeling ill.  These are the times I feel I am pretty useless and also feel very alone.  As I once  read, it is like pushing rocks with feathers at times.  Just want the day to end, and hope for better times tomorrow.  I will get over it though.

Well, we have had a bad/good weekend! Unfortunately toothache reared it's ugly head for Pete on Friday. We managed to get an emergency appointment for Saturday afternoon - after having to ensure the dentist had wheelchair access. Something I have obviously never had to consider before! Anyway the dentist was fantastic and even treated Pete in his wheelchair, so no struggling to get into dentist chair.  Then Sunday was his birthday (62) and Martin took us out in the car for a drive and then in the evening Adrian did FaceTime with us, so had a really good day. My sister sent him an iPad beanbag which is the best invention! It has also doubled as support for his right arm, so she is going to make another one for him (and one for me!!!).
We got the ramp but it is quite steep and also still leaves a lip of about 1/2 inch to get over and I am finding this impossible on my own as can't lift the wheelchair over it, it's ok if someone helps but really no further forward. However, a catalogue inside the paper on Saturday had what is called a half step which halves the height of the step and looks ideal - have sent away for one and also looking at having grab rails put either side of the door. Will this solve the problem? I hope so and am keeping my fingers crossed.
Busy day again today - speech therapy, physiotherapy and also District Nurse to take blood for a blood test!
An example of our communication problem - Pete managed to indicate there was something wrong with his mouth by keeping on opening it wide, I made suggestions but to no avail. Then he got a towel and wiped his face, to me this meant he was hot - but no, and he is getting more and more frustrated with me. Had to give it up. Then he got a drink of water - answer, dry mouth!!!  How stupid am I for not getting that the towel meant dry!! Obvious really!  And good thinking on his part, shame about my side of it! The delight on his face when I eventually realised was a joy to behold!!
Well, another day done and, on the whole, a GOOD day, one of many I hope!

When all the tools used for communication are lost, e.g. Speech, writing, drawing, gesturing, life becomes so very difficult.  I wish I knew someone who also lives with these problems. How do you overcome them?

I was going to talk about preparing for Pete to come home, but we have had an extremely busy day with physiotherapy, speech therapy plus a visit from Rebecca from the local branch of The Stroke Association. We are both so tired, especially Pete. Tomorrow we are hoping to get a ramp fitted so he can get out at long last, our threshold step is quite high and a bit dodgy for him to manage with just my help, so that will be a major breakthrough - fresh air at last!! Also going to restart some muscle relaxant tablets to help his arm which has got quite stiff and a bit painful over the last few days.
Off to bed now methinks.

As I said yesterday, Friday 13th July was the day Pete suffered a major stroke. He had none of the classic symptoms, all that alerted me that he was ill was the fact that rather than walk back from the bathroom, he lurched, and then when I spoke to him he seemed totally 'out of it'. I rang the doctor who immediately sent an ambulance but even the paramedics seemed puzzled, they took him to the
local A&E  where again heads were scratched. Eventually, after a process of elimination, he was admitted to the Stroke Unit. After a good weekend when movement wasn't too bad, although very little speech, on the Monday it all went downhill and he got very bad. On Wednesday he was transferred to Bideford Stroke Rehabilitation Unit with all the effects of a major stroke.  Right side paralysis, aphasia, dyspraxia and incontinence.  These were bad times trying to come to terms with it, but there are four major steps forward he has taken.  Firstly, we heard his voice (amazing) just making noises but at least it was still there, secondly , the day his catheter was removed was a big relief to us all (and he hasn't looked back), thirdly, the day I saw him walk, with the aid of a four pronged stick, very very slowly but at least up on his feet, and fourthly, the day he came home.
Bideford provided intense therapy and I cannot praise them enough for all the help and care they gave him. We had Goal Setting meetings every two weeks and I attended some physio sessions with him.  He also used an iPad a lot which was a great help. The speech therapist listed some apps which helped enormously and, as light relief, he played Angry Birds a lot. One app, Oral Motor, gives lots of mouth exercises and is of great benefit, we still go through them now.
My next post will talk about preparations for him coming home.

Right then, here goes! I've never blogged before and the reason I have decided to become a blogger is that my husband Pete is a stroke survivor, and I want to share the ups and downs of life as his carer. My name is Shirley, Pete and I have been married 39 years and have two grown up sons Martin and Adrian and 3 grandchildren, josh, robbie and Ella.  We were your average family until Friday 13th July when Pete suffered a major stroke.  He spent eight and a half weeks in hospital and came home 3 weeks ago.  Life is good that he is home, but every day is a struggle at some point due to his aphasia which means he cannot communicate In the usual ways. He has right side paralysis as well, although there is now movement in his leg, his arm remains non-active.
I aim to write a blog regularly in the hope that someone out there will read it and perhaps it may help them as well as me.
That's all for this first time, I will share more in the next few days.