Anxiety

I know it is a very common complaint but it seems that I, along with loads of others, suffer from anxiety which is affecting my health.  This is probably the cause of my headaches and often feeling sick.  I had to attend a clinic at the surgery last Friday and had to answer lots of questions about how I feel - I can't really remember them but I do remember the last one being 'do you have a feeling of dread that something really bad will happen?' - the answer was yes!  It was suggested that I ring some stress/anxiety counsellors, but what can anyone do?  The fact is that I worry continually about Pete and no amount of counselling is going to remove that worry.  The only time he is not on my mind is when I am asleep!  So, I am sure we all now feel much better that I know I have a high level of anxiety!!! 

But what to do about it? Nothing I am afraid.

We had another carers' meeting last Wednesday and I am sure, indeed I know, we all have the same levels of worry and ask ourselves the same questions over and over - how are our partners feeling, what are they thinking, what will they do if something happens to us, what will the future bring, will something awful happen, etc. etc. and on it goes - there are no cures for this sort of anxiety.  So, stalemate.   One of the other carers asked if we ever feel sad - definitely a yes to that.  It is sad that our partners have, basically, had their futures snatched away and it has come to this.  You never think it will happen to you, human nature to think that, and it is a devastating shock when it does happen and you look around at others of the same age etc and wonder 'why us?'  And it is us, when you are a close couple then it affects both of you and both lives change beyond recognition.  

Pete has a pre-op appointment tomorrow afternoon which, so far, hasn't been cancelled so I am hopeful we may get a date for the new catheter.

On a brighter note, Adrian and Amie went to the BAFTAs last night!!  I will put up a photo of them both looking very very smart!!  Adrian is the absolute image of how Pete used to look at that age.