I have read a couple of chapters and I am still not sure what I really think of it - it doesn't give a lot of hope for the future. You are now a carer and are stuck with that job, and all it entails, with no help forthcoming from anywhere. On the other hand it is not written in a depressing style, just 'this is how it is'. I have found several examples of how I feel at times and have marked them to go back to. There are several quotes I could give you but I am not going to!!! All I would say is that if you ever see a copy of it for sale anywhere, and are interested in how carers deal with everything, then buy it and read it as no-one except a carer can understand what it is like 24/7. I am no exception and didn't give much thought to carers' lives before. Pete used to be my mum's carer when she lived with us for a few months. I went to work in the mornings and he looked after her whilst I was out and we also had someone come in to get her washed and dressed as it wasn't appropriate for Pete to do that. But we still basically had our own life. Nothing like now. The biggest, worst problem in my life is Pete's aphasia. I could cope with the physical disabilities on their own, but throw this into the mix and it becomes well nigh impossible. (Unfortunately this side of things doesn't look to be covered in the book). At the moment we are almost not communicating at all. We both get so frustrated and angry and, I think, Pete has decided it is not worth it to try and say something. So, stalemate there I am afraid. All it seems to be at the moment is a series of questions - do you want a shower, what do you want for lunch, what do you want for tea and do you want to go to bed now? Not much is it conversation wise?
One thing Pete did manage to indicate today is that he wanted to start antidepressants. This started when I gave him the morphine based painkiller and he didn't think I had given him a full spoonful and went into a rage. I accused him (probably wrongly) of behaving like an addict and told him he had to start helping himself. Lying on the bed thinking of pain only made it worse, etc. etc. After a while he got the book with words and indicated the doctor and then went to the feelings page and pointed to sad and depressed. I asked if he wanted the antidepressants, which we already had, and he said yes. So I gave him one and explained they will take a couple of weeks to work. This afternoon he went and got the packet and took another one out and broke it in half, I thought he was going to take another and told him no it is one a day. What he actually was trying to say is still not clear - did he want more than one or less than one, I don't know. No doubt I will find out tomorrow.
Anyway, there you are, welcome to my world - and that of 13 million others, but all of us living a very solitary life.
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