Before I go any further I have to say that I do believe there is a God - that is my personal feeling but I have no problem with anyone who doesn't believe in Him. Indeed, it can start an interesting debate.
However, if you believe in God then, conversely, you also believe in Satan - the eternal good and evil.
So, who is determining the path of our (Pete's and mine) lives? When Pete first had his stroke I tried to make the usual deals with God, as you do in crisis situations. I thought, over the first weekend, He had heard and things went ok, but then it all went wrong and the brain damage really took hold and progressed - why, I wondered? Over the next few months Pete did really well physically and my faith was restored somewhat.
Now, though, things are very different. I truly feel God has turned his back on us and, although I still believe in Him, I am totally uninterested in any platitudes that may say he is still there and cares. When I am awake in the night, alone with my thoughts and churning things over and over, I have often thought that if Satan (complete with horns and cloven hooves!) were to appear and offer THE deal - my soul in exchange for Pete recovering speech and being able to write - I would snatch his hand off to shake on it.
Having written all that I'm not sure what I am rambling on about! Suffice to say, God and I do not communicate any more. Do people in ongoing bad situations retain any strong faith or not? When you feel you have been abandoned it is very hard to deal with. Am I losing my mind? Maybe, probably!
Meanwhile, not to self: look out for a book about black magic - preferably leather bound and the older the better. Last year's reprint just won't cut it!!
Talking of magic, have you seen Dynamo in action? OMG (oops) he is amazing.
Is that the men in white coats at the door???
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