1. like going outside and just screaming
2. that I just want to walk away from the whole situation
3. that there is no way I can take any more and can't cope
4. very angry with everything and everybody (including myself)
5. frustrated because any progress is so minute and also because so often I can't understand what Pete wants to say
6. so terribly sad for Pete. I think back to how he was and imagine a conversation we could have had. Would he have wanted to live being so affected by the stroke? I know he would have said "definitely not" - but now it has happened I wonder what he thinks to himself and how he copes.
7. guilty because I can still do everything, go out and speak normally.
8. resentful that I have had to give up the life I had.
9. scared for the future. Will it ever improve? What if something happens to me - who will look after Pete?
10. utter hopelessness and despair. I know I can't make it better and wonder whether I am doing ok or not and is there more I could do to help and support Pete.
11. so very lonely. It feels like we are the only couple in the world going through this - although I know full well we are not.
12. like I am such a nuisance having to ask others to do anything for us
13. grateful that at least Pete is still here and understands everything
14. more anger that WW won't leave us alone and makes life even more difficult at every opportunity
Wow, this is such a self pitying post, but sometimes everything just overwhelms me and there is no-one to listen to me moaning on.
Some of these feelings just come and go but others are there all the time. I think the emotion I feel the strongest is sadness that Pete has lost such a major part of the quality of his life - and also lost his status in the family. He can never join in a conversation which is horrible for him.
I think that just about covers most things. The only feelings that elude me are joy and serenity.
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