My Biggest Fear

My biggest fear is that Pete will have another stroke and either not survive or we will be right back where we started. This morning I was very scared that this was actually happening. He woke me at about 5am (same as last time) and seemed very upset and agitated, he started to get out of bed then got back in and then out again. I managed to ascertain that he felt sick but didn't actually feel that he would be sick. Then he took his t-shirt off so assumed he was very hot but he felt really cold and clammy to touch. Then (and this was so like last time) he started to look all around the room and especially up at the ceiling. The only difference was that last time he didn't respond to me at all but this time he nodded yes that he knew where he was and who I was. I was going to ring the doctor but he indicated no, so was in a bit of a quandry. I really didn't want him to have to go into hospital again but, on the other hand, didn't know if that is where he should be. This went on for about an hour, I kept asking him questions and getting answers ok, then he suddenly seemed to snap out of it and was back to normal. I still don't know whether this is something I should worry about, I think perhaps I ought to ring the consultant's secretary and see whether he is going to be seen again or not. Are episodes like this normal? I need to find out.
As he seemed ok, just a bit restless, when we got up I decided to stick with my plan to meet a friend for coffee and left him waiting for Suzanne to come. She was still there when I got home and said he had been fine and they had had a good session.
He has seemed quite restless all day and we had one very bad attack of anger. But he got over that eventually and Martin took us to Tesco tonight. He still doesn't really seem right but will be keeping a close eye on him. He can't seem to settle to anything, keeps getting up and going off.
I picked up a copy of the North Devon Gazette whilst in town as had been told there was an article about how iPads are helping stroke survivors in it and he was mentioned. If you have been following me you will know we did an interview with Glen from the hospital about a month ago to try and help them get more iPads - the good news is that they have got some more and these are lent to in-patients to try. The iPad is absolutely incredible and has been such a help in his recovery. We are still finding new apps to download, one of the latest is the OS maps which are brilliant when talking about places and where people live etc. and he is quite adept at using it and it can be enlarged so easily. The article was, apparently, also in the NHS magazine 'Pulse' so - fame at last eh!!
I have also seen a large spike in the number of people reading my blog since the articles which is so good. I would welcome any comments if anyone wanted to leave them, hopefully it may be helping other carers as well as helping me! You often feel so alone even though you are not, and to hear from others that are going through the same would be good - also any comments from anyone who is just interested will be appreciated!
Well, as I said I am keeping a close eye on the situation, hope this morning was just a blip and won't happen again any time soon.